Friday, October 22, 2010

Law And Disorder

I've been watching Law and Order: Los Angeles (not a bad show but they need to use more of the trade mark gavel sound. That mess is like cow bell, you need more of it) and that got me thinking about how criminals are sentenced in this country. Let's take murder for example, more specifically attempted murder. In a court of law a murder conviction will earn you a bigger sentence than an attempted murder conviction. Doesn't that just mean that we are rewarding potential murderers for being too inept and to finish someone off? Or is it punishing the victim for being too stubborn to die?

Judge: "Mr. Psycho, you have committed a heinous crime. You broke into the victims house, killed their dog, beat them with a pipe until the side of their head caved in, and set them on fire. The victim is now blind, deaf, and without use of any of his limbs. You deserve no less than a needle in your arm or to spend the rest of your life behind bars. BUUUUUT since you didn't kill him Ima go ahead and say you get 10 years." *looks at victim that barely resembled a person* "You shouldn't have been fool enough to live." *shrugs* *bangs gavel*

So all of this is going through my mind and I happen to think of Amy Fisher. Why, in the name of all that is holy is she out of jail and free to make porn? She shot that poor woman in the face. THE FACE! Just because Mary Jo Buttafuoco was too damn tough to die doesn't mean Amy deserves to be out in society. Amy Fisher is obviously insane. She shot a woman in the face, THE FACE, for a guy that's a bigger douche than The Situation and Pauly D put together.
See what I mean? Completely insane.

What In Remake Hell?

So the big brains at MTV have decided to remake a treasured British teen angst show called Skins. This has bad idea written all over it.

The UK version was a masterpiece. (The above pic is from the UK's original.) The cast was incredible. Beautiful, but not so beautiful they looked like they came from central casting. They were real, lovable, hysterical, and all together really screwed up.

From the two previews on it looks almost identical... almost. If MTV liked the show so much why not just run the UK version? It would probably do really well because everyone likes to hear British teens call their friends "wankers" and "twats".

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Lily, A Birth Story

It was Sunday March 26, 2006. I awoke feeling amazed that I had slept so well, all night long. It had been at least 4 months since I had last slept through a whole night. Wow! Gonna be a good day. Then I tried to get up and realized that it was NOT going to be a good day. I looked down at my giant belly and was instantly pissed. I was still pregnant.

The previous afternoon, at precisely two o'clock, I chugged two tablespoons of Castor oil mixed in Pepsi in a desperate attempt to force my last child into this world a week early. I had had a promising start. I experienced the diarrhea that is typical of Castor oil use, and contractions started about two hours after drinking it, they were irregular but getting stronger and more frequent. I was on my way. I sat next to Greg that evening watching TV, confident in my plan for inducing labor. Around midnight I decided to help labor along by walking and went to the only 24 hour store in town... Walmart.

Two hours later I returned home exhausted and frustrated. My contractions not only failed to progress, but stopped all together. Perhaps my daughter was fearful of a "Hollywood fast" delivery and didn't wish to live her life known as "The Chubbuck Walmart Baby"? I can't say that I blame her. A person can only have so much red on the neck of their family tree and this would have pushed our family over the edge.
So, I was awake and so very disappointed, my baby girl still wasn't coming. The baby I never dreamed would be possible, not because I have fertility problems. No, I have been blessed in that arena. But a GIRL! My husband's family is not known to make very many of them and I wanted one. I wanted her so badly. It was so unbelievable when I was told she was a girl i refused to open anything I had bought until she was born (I broke down anyway two weeks before she was born) But she had her own plans. I would have to wait.

I waddled my way to the bathroom that morning, shuffling my feet and kicking proverbial rocks. My husband was in the bathroom already when I sat down. I looked up at him, very sad and near tears, "Greg, we didn't have a baby last night." He put on his empathy face, looked down at me and said, "I'm so sorry honey." I stood up, pulled my underwear up, and was just about to walk out of the bathroom when... SPLASH! I looked down, he looked down. My water had broken, and then we smiled at each other. "We're having a baby today."

That was almost true. I hung out all that day walking around wearing those pads old ladies with no bladder control have to use waiting for my labor to start. A the 12 hour mark my midwife had me come in to get me started. Worked like a charm too. Four hours later and just after midnight on Monday March 27, 2006 my little pink dream came true. Lily Mae Harmon was born. She was 6lbs 15oz and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Happy Birthday my angel.
"she's the answer to the pray I hadn't found
she's the answer to the silence, she's my sound.
oh what a girl. oh what a beautiful girl she is."
~Blue Does by Blue October

Friday, February 19, 2010

Fame Whoring In The USA!

Just watched Tiger's "speech" and all i can say is, L to the O to the L! At what point did it become necessary for an adulterer to apologize to the nation? The people he owes the "I'm sorry to" are his wife, kids, and his mama for ruining her good name... in that order. He needs to quit wasting his time in "rehab" and muggin for the cameras and use the time to be on his hands and knees at his wife feet doin whatever the hell she wants him to do. Everything he said should have been handled at family dinner on Sunday.

I was sad to hear him say that Elin never beat on him. It gave me the warm fuzzies to think that she took a few whacks at him with that club. It seemed to level the field a bit. Pity.

However, HANDS DOWN the best thing to come out of this press conference is Gloria Allred's rebuttal complaining about how Tiger didn't apologize to his former porn star mistress. Yes, the all powerful Gloria wants to know why Tiger didn't say he's sorry to his girlfriend of three years... Perhaps because the home wrecking trollop doesn't deserve one! She is just as guilty as he is. There is NO WAY that that woman didn't know he was married. There isn't a person on this planet that hasn't heard of google... that ho knew he was married. There are some places that you just don't go, and a married man's bed is one of them. You should see this mess. It's a lovely example of fame whoring and it's enough to make you puke.

So a quick reminder for Tiger on how to have a happier life. Marriage is sacred. Period. You DO NOT cheat. No matter who you are. "Best golfer in history tag" does not give you a license to swing your dong around like it's a magic 9 iron. Famous has NEVER equaled God.... maybe he could have it engraved on his golf clubs, or tattooed on his man parts, lest he forgets... again

Saturday, February 13, 2010

A Bountiful First Time

Today was my first crack at doing Bountiful Baskets and I AM IN LOVE! It is a nonprofit organization that basically works like this: you go to the web site on Tuesday morning and place your order (you pay online) and print out your conformation voucher. For just a basket it is $16.50, (your first time there is a one time charge of $3) but there are other add-ons you can purchase. Saturday at the given time and place you show up with your laundry baskets/boxes/bags etc. Show your voucher. Pick up your food. Take it home. Try to find room for all of it.
This idea is so fantastic and such a great way to save money, and incorporate healthier foods into your diet. The retail value of what you get is generally in the $50-$70 range. AMAZING SAVINGS! This is what I brought home.
1lb Strawberries
1 Honey Dew Mellon
8 Apples
5 Grapefruit
1 Pineapple
1 Butternut Squash
4 Tomatoes
6 Yams
5 Ears of Corn
2 Cucumbers
9 Bananas
2 Bags of Spinach
and for $14 more a
20lb box of mixed citrus fruits (oranges, lemons, limes, grapefruits)

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Old Drivers

This is recycled from a myspace blog I did...

Let me preface this with saying for the record, I love old people. The summer that I was 13 I volunteered for hours at a convalescent center and I used to work at a veterans home. Next to being a mother, it was the most rewarding thing that I have ever done... and I did it all. I have read to them, fed them, put their clothes on them, combed their hair, lit their smokes, and put out the fire when they dropped said smokes. I've talked about their lives with them, danced with them, tried to maintain their dignity and protect their privacy. I’ve battled it out with nurses who refused to listen to me when I knew they were in pain. I’ve spent more time with them than their own families, and I’ve held their hands and told them that it was ok if they didn’t want to fight anymore and just wanted to go into the light... and i’ve
watched them go.

That said I F-ING HATE OLD DRIVERS!!! Sweet merciful Zeus get off the road! I was behind some silver haired tortoise today doing 25 in a 40..... GET OUT OF THE
WAY GRANDPA!!! My dad is approaching 70 and he said not too long ago that he hopes that he has the sense to give up driving when he becomes a danger. I said, "Dad, you don’t have to worry about a thing. I’ll take your keys away for you." see i care about the public... i’m a humanitarian.

Look at this woman, she can’t even handle
her electric cart.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Another Year, Another Burning Desire To Punch People In The Head

I just dropped off my children at school for their first day of fifth and first grade. I am always taken aback when I walk into a school and I am reminded of just how damaging last year was. I go in prepared to fight, it reminds me what a great child Stark is because he doesn't go around stabbing kids with pencils.

(Right about now you're asking yourself, "who is Stark?" That is my son formerly know as Travis. Stark is his middle name and it's so awesome he's decided to use it now. All of the bullying and unpleasantness that happened last year happened to Travis, so I think by becoming Stark he feels like he isn't that victim anymore. I'm just gonna go with it.)


~Even though my child transferred to L&C last year I still have to register them at their "home school", S, and apply for the transfer every year. Then there is still no guarantee
~I didn't find out until Tuesday that the transfer was approved.
~I didn't find out until Thursday who their teachers are. Today is Monday their first day of school, that left me a whopping FOUR days to get their school supplies
~I was told I could get the school supplies list off of the district web site. L&C was the ONLY school who had NO LIST available on the net.
~I was informed that because my children were "transfers" and not "overflow" that the district would not provide transportation. Well does it matter that I had to transfer them because my boy was getting the shit kicked out of him every day and NOTHING was being done about it?

I forget how angry I still am about this. It's isn't something I dwell on until I have to enter a school and then it hits me. It is definitely something I have to work on letting go of. I know this.I hate feeling so hostile because I'm used to just not giving a crap. Apathy is my friend... I'd like to get back to that. I'm too lazy to stay pissed off.